Everyone loves a good insult. There is something about a person with an accent that makes the sting extra special. Foul language and insults are the perfect way to spice up an otherwise dull vocabulary. It is even better when you add curse words on everyday items.
For instance, try calling someone a crap canoe. Watch us they scratch their head picturing what a crap canoe would look like. It’s not pretty. Then again, their yelling face is not pretty either.
There are few things more satisfying than hurling an insult at someone who wronged you. If you’ve got a particularly foul mouth, you have likely run out of insults to hurl at people. Some insults are just too hilarious. Others make you want to learn another language just to secretly curse out that neighbor who doesn’t pick up after their dog.
Do you want to get crafty with your next insult? Try some of these!
1. “She’s got a face like a bag full of spanners” -England
This insult leaves us with so many questions. What the hell is a spanner? Are their other measurements for spanners? Like, if she is really ugly does the bag become a tool shed?
In England, this insult is to call someone ugly. A “bag full of spanners” means a bag full of wrenches. You are literally likening someone to wrenches. Pretty cool.
2. “Snakehead rat eyes” – China
This one barely makes sense, but that makes it even better. It almost sounds like a creature from Yu-gi-oh. If you’re not into that sort of thing, it still is a wonderful insult to hurl at someone – if only to confuse them.
The Chinese sling this insult to someone who is sneaky and manipulative. You do not want someone calling you this.
3. “Someone who has sex in the dark” – Germany
This translates in every language. We can all think of at least one person we would love to hurl this beauty at – even though you do not want to picture them having sex.
This phrase is obviously used to describe someone so ugly that they turn the lights off in bed. The term “bumping uglies” takes on a how new meaning. Then again, they can always use the popular “bag” method.
4. “Nipple head” -South Africa
Nipple head. Nipple head. Nipple head. So delightfully silly that you just cannot stop saying it. For all of us with dirty minds and a silly sense of humor, this fits the bill perfectly.
In South Africa, the term describes someone who is completely bald. Not many bald heads resemble a nipple- but hey – it’s still funny.
5. “You’re so ugly, you make an onion cry!” – Spain
Onions are the sneakiest vegetable in the world. They look all plain and innocent. Then, you cut them open and those babies seek revenge on your eyes.
The Spanish people use this phrase to refer to someone who is ugly. Honestly, making onions cry seems pretty cool.
6.”You’re as ugly as a salad” -Bulgaria
There’s a popular phrase online – “Alcohol, because no great story ever started with a salad.” Poor salads. They get a rep.
In Bulgaria, salads fare no better. This phrase is meant to insult someone ugly and plain.
7. “It’s not pretty watching a jackass trying to eat a pomegranate” – Armenia
Close your eyes and think about this. Pomegranates are almost as bad as onions. They promise delicious seeds, but you spend most of your time trying to scoop out the damn seeds!
Just pictures this. In Armenia, this means someone who is clumsy and stupid.
8. “Go and hide under something old!” -Sweden
This may make you think of someone sticking themselves under an old person. Apparently, this phrase is not this simple.
Swedish people says this to only the stupidest of people. It means they should take their stupid elsewhere and hide their shame in an old blanket. Weird, but effective.
9. “A man who walks behind his boss reaching through his legs and supporting his testicles” -Malaysia
Brown nosers. Kiss asses. None of these insults compare in comparison to this beauty from Malaysia.
The Malaysians do not pull punches when it comes to this phrase. They grab the issue right by the balls (pun intended).
10. “Dog baby” -Korea
Is this an insult? Puppies and babies are both pretty cute, and they get a lot of attention and cuddles whenever they want it. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
In Korea, this phrase is akin to calling someone a “sonofabitch!” out the window.
11. “As thick as manure and only half as useful” – Ireland
It is never good to be likened to literal crap. The Irish are not known for their subtly.
This beautifully crafted insult calls someone both dumb and useless.
12. “Your mother mates with reindeer!”- Finland
Do not picture this phrase in your head. It is not pretty.
In Finland, this is the ultimate “Yo Momma” joke. It does not get more insulting or gross than this. Seriously, try this joke next time you are having words with someone you don’t like. To be honest, it probably won’t go over well.
13. “May your wife give birth to a centipede so you have to work for shoes your whole life” -Serbia
This next insult is perhaps the most involved one on the list. To go to these lengths, you must really hate the person.
Not only are you suggesting that someone’s wife has sex with a creepy looking insect, but you want them to spend their life and all their money on shoes. It is elaborate but worth it for some people.
14. “Tell that to your ass!” -Somalia
This insult is more figurative than literal. Unless, of course, you possess the ability to talk out of your own ass like Ace Ventura. Then, it may be more applicable.
In Somalia, people direct this phrase at people who said something stupid.
15. “You can sharpen an ax on the top of his head” -Russia
You probably should not be holding an ax near anyone’s head. That goes without saying.
This refers to someone who is stubborn. They are so hard-headed that even an ax could not penetrate it.
16. “250”- China
This is one is interesting. If you really want to confuse someone, this would be a great opportunity to hurl this insult at them.
Essentially, this phrase calls someone stupid. Old Chinese money had 1000 coins. One-quarter of 1000 is 250. “250” means someone only has a 1/4 of a brain.
17. “To speak French like a Spanish cow”- France
This one is chock full of insults. First, it insults the person trying to speak French. Then, it insults the Spanish. Last, it takes a shot at poor unsuspecting cows.
This essentially refers to someone who is speaking French poorly.
18. “Under a frog’s bottom”- Hungary
A frog’s bottom is one place you do not want to go. Telling someone to go under a frog’s bottom is nasty when you think of it.
In Hungary, ignorant people belong under frog bottoms.
