It is often rumored that Pentagon has a zombie contingency plan in case of an outbreak. Internet is full of memes and sometimes serious articles saying that zombie apocalypse is going to happen eventually. Some even remark that it is already here, given our materialistic robotic lifestyles.

Hollywood is obsessed with zombies. There are hundreds of movies and TV serials depicting them. While such an apocalypse seems terrifying and exciting at the same time, spoiler alert: a zombie apocalypse can never actually happen. Zombies are physically impossible.

Here are five reasons why science says zombies can never happen:

1. Metabolism

Let’s say that a mysteries beam of light strikes the earth and wake up all the corpses. For them to start walking around and feeling hungry they need metabolism. Human body (or any living thing’s body for that matter) needs energy to perform any task. In order for energy to come out, it also has to be going in. Without a working digestive system, how will a zombie find the energy to chase after undead humans? – A human body is not capable of even standing up without molecular energy.

Therefore even if the beam of light or some hideous virus strikes the human population. All laws of medical and physical science defied, and zombies DO actually come to life; they won’t be able to do well… anything. They would be just laying their lifeless and harmless.

2. Weather

Granted that zombies can somehow rise up against all odds, they even solve their metabolism problem. Yet we run into another very basic obstacle that would be deadly for the zombies; the weather. Living organisms make a huge amount of effort to keep their bodies warm from the inside.

Thermoregulation is a process by which organisms keep the inside of their bodies regulated. It helps us humans adjust to harsh weather. This process of homeostasis allows us to survive in different climates such as extremely hot and cold weathers.

Zombies on the other hand have no such capabilities. They have no working immune system. They have no metabolism. Depending on where Zombies are; in colder weathers they would see themselves freeze to death (I mean freeze to stillness), and in hot and humid weathers they will experience all the moisture from their bodies evaporate and zombies will end up a dried waste.

3. Parasites, scavengers and insects

As if the zombies weren’t having a hard time already, here we get to another problem. Have you ever noticed that if you put a raw piece of meat outside (outside freezing temperature) it quickly gets affected by hundreds of insects and parasites? – This is what would happen to zombies as well. Having no means to have stems cells, they will quickly get affected by millions of flies and parasites.

Many insects are “blessed” with the capability to consume a huge amount of mass at an alarming rate. In insects weren’t enough, zombies would also attract vultures and other large scavengers. It is safe to conclude that from their rise, it would be a very short time before their bones are picked clean.

4. Not being able to defecate is a problem

Zombies eat right? They consume human meat. That means there should be some “waste” pilling up in their bodies. But without a working digestive system the poo doesn’t have anywhere to go. So it would keep piling up, producing unpleasant gases and ultimately the zombie stomach will just blow up.

Of all the things zombies will put through, it is safe to say that this entry is the most unnerving and downright disgusting. Why God why?! Zombies are… or were people too! Why would you do this to them?

5. Zombies won’t have eyes to see you

Eye tissue is very soft and is one of the first to decay in a dead body. Zombies have been dead for ages, right? Even if they are virally infected zombies, they still don’t have an immune system to prevent tissue decay. At the start of the article, we discussed how zombies don’t have metabolism. This affects their cells and tissues. Apart from really very fresh zombies, most zombies won’t have eyes. And if you cannot run away from or trick a slow, funny walking blind zombie then you probably deserve to be eaten by one.

Some people say that zombies hunt by smell or hearing. Their other senses may not go as quickly as sight but eventually and not after a very long time from their rising, they too will go.

There is absolutely no win for the zombies!

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