We’re in the age of technology, motivated and propelled forward by our immense collective curiosity and natural human inclination to improve ourselves. That being said, that doesn’t mean humans are infallible and won’t create something completely idiotic and unnecessary on occasion.
Which means, that also doesn’t stop some people from buying into some of these… odd inventions. Someone’s gotta buy them, right? At the very least, those of us not silly enough to actually purchase one of these inventions, can at least appreciate the inventions for what they truly are — entertaining.
1. The Pet Rock
It wasn’t too long ago that the “Pet Rock” made its debut — tweens everywhere desperately wanted a pet rock of their own. For what reason? None of us spellbound young people knew, but since everyone else had one, we wanted one too.
Various companies wanted in on this craze and started selling rocks to children everywhere, varying kits so that you could dress up or even paint your rocks. It was perhaps the equivalent of selling water to a fish, but no one seemed to mind at the time or even now.
2. Lipstick Mask
It’s not a totally unfamiliar sight to see women online trying to use any kind of device possible from tape, business cards, to even shoes to get the right angle on their eyeliner or contours in how-to videos. Inventors, perhaps saw an area with a need and sought to fill this gap by creating this interesting lip-mask tool.
Unfortunately, beyond the discomfort of simply wearing such a tight mask, flaws in the design outweigh the supposed helpfulness of the invention. Not all women have the same shaped lips, and not only that but this has the potential to smear the makeup already on your face… Back to the drawing board!
3. Pimple Piercing
We’re not sure if this is simply a gag gift invention or a supposedly clever idea that went too far. Considering that younger people are those more likely to wear piercings, it’s a wonder a company thought it was a good idea to make a piercing so reminiscent of teens worst nightmares… pimples!
To say the least, we don’t think it will catch on.
4. Pizza Pouch
There probably aren’t many people on earth that don’t like pizza. Pizza is a hugely popular fast food that people can’t seem to get enough of. One inventor obviously had his heart in the right place, but his practicality was thrown clear out the window with this next invention.
The Pizza Pouch, likely intended as a gag gift also, doesn’t even have usability. Because, who doesn’t finish all their pizza in one setting? Crazy people, that’s who.
5. Anti Thumb Sucking Device
Parents understandably only want what’s best for their children. In some cases parents attempts at good are rewarding and happy for both parties… other times, parents can have misguided attempts to help their children, that will only result in future mortification and traumatic memories for the child.
…this is one of those cases. Children that have thumb sucking and finger sucking tendencies, beware. A new invention will block your appendages from being able to enter your mouth. The traumatic part isn’t so much that you’re no longer able to eat your hands, so much as be forced to wear such a ridiculous device in public until you learn your lesson. Oh well, maybe you had it coming.
6. The Ab-Hancer
Arguably, the “Ab-Hancer” may actually be the most useless item on this entire list. It’s a product whose purpose is to give the short term appearance of defined abdominal muscles on anyone with a pudgy enough belly.
Perhaps it’s not entirely too useless, as the packaging promises it can be used under a shirt. The truth always comes to light though…
7. Battery Powered Battery Charger
In the age of technology we now require the use of batteries to charge items. It’s gotten to the point that in order to create a “completely” wireless technology some devices have recharge stations that are also wireless.
In the case of this strange invention, this is a battery charging devices that also uses batteries. It seems like circular reasoning if you ask us.
8. The Pet Petter
Hopefully none of us get so out of touch with the here and now that we forget to keep a close relationship with our pets, like this product suggests we try.
Even as a joke, the product is a scary look into a future of what life could be like if we get too caught up in other things. Life is too short not to pet your animals yourself!
9. The To-Do Tattoo
This invention was meant to be a handy and innovative way to quickly scribble a list with a special ink pen on a lined temporary tattoo you place on yourself. The inventor failed to realize that anyone who has time to put a temporary tattoo on themselves, wait for it to dry, and then write on it — definitely has enough time to write a real list on a piece of scrap paper like a normal person.
In fact, it might be so much more work than scribbling on scrap paper that people may just go back to writing on their hands with a regular ink pen like before. Or commit to an actual tattoo, like below.
10. Contact Lense Jewelry
Contact lenses that are purely for beauty and decoration aren’t an entirely foreign concept, costumers and cosplayers have been utilizing unique and safe contacts for years now from safe companies. This invention might not be worth it with the potential risk it poses.
As the pictures display, not only do you wear a contact, but a dangling piece of plastic attached to the actual contact. This has potential irritation risks, and even has the possibility of accidentally being yanked right out of your eye. The artsiness of this particular invention might just not make this worth attempting.
11. Twirling Spaghetti Fork
This definitely takes the cake as the laziest invention on this list. It used to be that it wasn’t hard work or even in need of improving to simply scoop up and spin your own spaghetti for yourself.
Apparently this company saw some kind of need and attempted to fix it. If, for some reason you feel the need to buy this product at least you can recharge your utensil with your battery charged battery recharger.
12. Ben & Jerry’s Euphori-Lock
This was a terribly well-meaning invention. Trying to hide your ice cream from your family, friends, and roommates seems like a fools errand. It’s almost impossible to keep other people out of your delicious stash. So, Ben & Jerry tried to remedy this by creating a combination lock you could keep on your individual pint for safe keeping.
The other side of the lock has a little message saying, “I’m terribly sorry, but there is no ‘u’ in ‘my pint,'” which some may find cute, but may seem like a challenge to others. The greatest flaw in this design is that all it would take is a sharp enough knife to cut through the paper container.
13. Practice Make Out Pillow
Many sitcoms and movies have joked about inexperienced tweens practicing their smooching skills on their teddy bears and pillows. Now, with this unique invention, tweens won’t have to pretend to kiss a faceless bag of feathers anymore.
That’s right. Someone thought they’d give the under practiced tweens around the world the trial rounds they all deserve. Somehow, it seems a little unsanitary, but who are we to judge? Whatever the case, don’t worry guys, you’ll get the hang of it eventually.
14. Solar Powered Cigarette Lighter
It seems like every time we turn around someone’s trying to create some sort of new technology for smoking tobacco. It’s how vaping was invented. This time around it seems someone was thinking a bit more archaically.
Now there are tools to use the sun, just like in ancient times, to start a small fire at the tip of your cigarette. The inventor was so interested in creating something artistic that they didn’t consider how bulky the design was or that the smoker would be unable to use it during the night. Note: users must be patient.
15. The UroClub
This last invention on our list is on here for how audacious it is. This invention is certainly a niche item. The UroClub is no ordinary tool for golfing, it’s not even used to golf with. Like the name hints at, it’s a club you physically urinate in when you aren’t able to run to the bathroom in the middle of a game on the green.
The club has a hollow cavity that can be opened and peed into behind a privacy cloth. Hopefully anyone who buys and uses the club doesn’t forget they did, leaving it to mellow in their bag with the rest of their clubs.